butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
