theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
