I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
