omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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