I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
