dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
