yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
