Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
