So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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