I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
