I skipped work to stalk him.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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