I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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