i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
