you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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