Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
