I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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