You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i think my cat just said my name.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
