I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
