can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
