morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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