We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
