so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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