Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
