mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
