chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
