LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
