remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
