I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im holly from the hills drunk
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize