is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
