i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
