That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
