dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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