Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is the high leading the old right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
