Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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