woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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