I CAN MOONWALK!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
