He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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