I faked an abortion last night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
