I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
