remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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