Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
