on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
