Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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