I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
