brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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