my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize