After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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