I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
