when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
