I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
