Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
