you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
