Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
