Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had to cum in my sink.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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