it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
