So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
