Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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