I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
