dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
