Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
