I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
