Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
