Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
soo... how was my night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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