I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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