Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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