I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
