I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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