we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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