Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
