We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
