2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
