Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
