Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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