i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
