if you like me you must not know who I am
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
