i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
